


been using bodies just to get me through

by gilligankane



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 04:11:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14252775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gilligankane/pseuds/gilligankane
Summary: “It’s online dating,” she mutters. “I could have three dates in a day, if I wanted.”Charity raises an eyebrow slowly. “Oh, really.”





	been using bodies just to get me through

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [it’s crazy that you’re moving on so fast (but baby, it’s okay if i am still the best you had)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14184039) by [gilligankane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gilligankane/pseuds/gilligankane). 



> AKA, Vanessa's Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Dates. A companion to 'it’s crazy that you’re moving on so fast (but baby, it’s okay if i am still the best you had)' which is set a few weeks after December 21, 2017 (the 'we're not a proper couple' chat) and what could possibly happen.
> 
> Another thank you to thegirl20 for her continued support.

**Rosie, 39  
** **_Hotten_ **

_Don’t look at her_ , Vanessa tells herself one more time. She pauses with her hand on the door to the Woolpack and takes a deep breath. She adjusts her dress - just a little short in the legs and a little long in the hem.

 _A perfect dress for a date_ , Tracy had said.

Which is what she’s going on now - a date. It’s a date. _Just a date_ , she tells herself. A date with a woman in the pub owned by the woman she’s _not_ dating.

The woman she doesn’t _want_ to date, she reminds herself. That thought wavers, though. She’s a grown-up with a grown-up job and a small person to look after; she’s too old for dating - she’s most certainly too old for dating Charity Dingle. _Right?_

 _Right_ , the Rhona-sounding voice in her head says. _Too old to be playing these games_.

Vanessa nods, satisfied, and steps into the pub, the warmth and the noise settling over her. She takes a minute, in the entryway, to look around the pub for her date - _Rosie_ , she reminds herself. _Brunette, dead gorgeous smile._ She adjusts her leather coat, straightens her shoulders and thinks, again, _don’t look at her._

Except, when she stops scanning the pub, the first place she looks is behind the bar, meeting Charity’s eyes.

“Wow, babe,” Charity says loudly. Daz and Bernice both turn back to look at her, Daz’s mouth dropping open slightly. “You shouldn’t have. Not for little ol’ me.”

“I didn’t,” Vanessa says shortly. She spots the girl from the dating site at a booth near the toilets. “I did it for her,” she says, pointing.

Charity’s eyes follow her hands to Rosie and she startles a little, her face changing into a shocked look that comes and goes as quick as Vanessa blinks. She’s been seeing it more, lately, and it sends a shock through Vanessa’s system. Part of her is proud - _look what I can do, Charity. Anything you can do, I can do just as well_. But another part of her is gutted that it’s happening, that Vanessa can cut Charity off at the legs so easily.

“Her,” Charity says. “Sporty Spice?”

Vanessa tips her head to the side, studying Rosie. “She looks more like Posh Spice, I reckon.”

Charity scoffs. “No one liked Posh Spice.”

Chas frowns softly, coming up next to Charity. “Didn’t you once tell me Posh Spice was the only true Spice Girl?”

“Shut up, Chas,” Charity hisses.

Chas winks at Vanessa. “You look dead gorgeous. What’s the occasion?” she asks, pulling a pint and putting it on the bar.

“A date,” Vanessa says cheerfully. She smiles widely at Chas.

Chas’s eyes skip to Charity for a moment before she puts on her own smile on. “Well, here’s hoping it goes well, yeah?” She takes a glass of water from beneath the bar and holds it up to Vanessa, tipping it before she takes a long swallow.

Out of the corner of her eye, Vanessa thinks that she sees Charity swat at Chas’s shoulder, but she doesn’t turn; doesn’t give Charity the attention she wants.

“I appreciate the support,” Vanessa says. She leans over the bar conspiratorially. “It’s my first online date, you know.”

“Online dating,” Charity scoffs. “Oh, babe.”

Vanessa ignores her and keeps her attention on Chas. “If she turns out to be a serial murderer, I’ll flag you down.”

Charity opens her mouth, but Chas bumps her out of the way and she stumbles to the side, glaring.

“Ain’t you going on break?” Chas asks.

Charity narrows her eyes, glancing at Rosie across the pub. “I don’t need one.”

Chas frowns. “Weren’t you just going on about heading in for a brew? To make a call, you said. And how you probably weren’t coming home tonight, because-”

“I’m don’t need one,” Charity repeats, baring her teeth at Chas. She looks at Vanessa briefly and then looks away. “In fact, I think I’ll brush up on my crosswords. Been letting them fall by the wayside, haven’t I?”

Vanessa swallows heavily. She knows why the crosswords have been piling up by the till, unfinished and poorly started. She thinks about the last time she snuck out of Tug Ghyll and back into the pub, just at closing time. She nursed an orange juice at the bar as Charity kicked out the straggling punters and when the last of them had been run off, she pulled the half-done crossword out of Charity’s hands and kissed her hard instead.

Chas stares at her for a second before shaking her head and turning back to Vanessa. “Well, get going, yeah?”

Vanessa smiles warmly. She peels off her jacket and drapes it over one arm, picking up her pint with her free hand and clutching it tightly. She thinks she hears Charity inhale sharply, but it’s swallowed up by the din of the pub.

“Don’t need luck when you’ve got those,” Charity mutters, nodding towards Vanessa’s chest. She sighs when Vanessa and Chas glare at her. “Oh, come on, babe. It’s like you’re putting on a free show in that dress.”

Vanessa feels her stomach twist and she knows she doesn’t hide the flash of hurt that flickers on her face. She sees Charity’s mouth turn and she knows what’s coming next is an apology wrapped in a backhanded compliment that’ll make her feel like she’s the one who did wrong. She turns quickly, not willing to let Charity even try.

She straightens her shoulders and adjusts her grip on her pint, and pushes through the punters to the back booth.

“Rosie, I presume?”

Rosie smiles up at her.

 _Eat your heart out, Charity Dingle,_ Vanessa thinks.

-

“Done a lot of online dating, have you?” Rosie asks.

Vanessa bites down on her bottom lip and wrinkles her nose. “My first, I’ll admit.”

Rosie nods. “You look better in person than you do in your pic.”

“Oh,” Vanessa says, frowning. “I’ll have to find another pic, then.” She shrugs a shoulder and looks down at the table.

She can feel Charity staring at her from across the room, but she won’t give in and look up. Not yet. Not when this date is going poorly. Not when Vanessa would rather be sitting on her couch with something on the telly and Charity in her lap. Not when it’s so obvious what she’s doing - showing off and failing miserably.

“No, no,” Rosie says quickly. “It’s a good one. Just… you’re dead beautiful in person.”

“Oh,” Vanessa says again.

Rosie opens her mouth and closes it quickly. “I bet you’d be a right good kisser.”

 _Don’t look at her_ , a voice in Vanessa’s head whispers.

Instead, she wets her bottom lip and winks, taking a nervous sip from her pint. “So, what do you do?”

“Yes,” someone says above her. “What do you do?”

 _Don’t look at her_.

Rosie gives them both a hesitant smile. “I’m an accountant.”

Charity snaps her fingers. “Too bad, Ness. Wasn’t the last one boring?” She leans against the back of the booth, her hand brushing against Vanessa’s shoulder.

It sends a rush through Vanessa’s body and she aches to turn into it. A part of her wants to swallow her pride and tell Charity that she _wants_ to be a couple - a couple of _what_ , she doesn’t know yet, but she’s willing to find out if Charity is. Another part of her knows that Charity isn’t willing and she’s been made fool enough.

 _Don’t look at her_.

Charity’s hand turns and lands heavily on her shoulder, intentional now. “Right, babe?”

 _Don’t look at her_.

Rosie narrows her eyes, looking back and forth between Vanessa and Charity and Vanessa knows, the longer Rosie keeps looking between them, the faster this date is sinking.

Charity finally sighs, leaning over Vanessa enough that she can feel Charity’s breath against the back of her neck.

 _Don’t look at her_.

“Our Ness here doesn’t have a head for numbers,” Charity says in a loud whisper. “ _Anatomy_ , on the other hand.”

Vanessa stands up so quickly, she feels Charity’s chin nearly clip the back of her head. “You know what, Charity?” she hisses.

“I think I’m going to go,” Rosie says loudly.

“No,” Vanessa says quickly, turning away from Charity. “We can move tables. Or-or, we can go into Hotten and-”

Rosie smiles politely, but she’s already picking up her purse and slipping her coat on. “It was, uh, nice to meet you.”

“Bye, now,” Charity sings, wiggling her fingers.

Vanessa turns so fast that she gets dizzy for a moment, head spinning with Charity’s perfume and Charity’s eyes and the smirk adorning Charity’s mouth. She clenches her hands into fists, squeezing hard enough to feel her nails digging into her palms; nails that scratched their way across Charity’s back just a few days ago when everything wasn’t sideways.

“Are you happy now?” she growls.

Charity pulls back, eyes wide as if she’s surprised that Vanessa is upset. “Happy, babe? Were _you_? With Victoria Beckham there?”

“I didn’t have a chance to find out,” Vanessa practically shouts. “You just _had_ to come over and ruin it, didn’t you?”

“Ruin it?” Charity laughs. “Babe, I was _saving_ you from-”

“From _what_?” Vanessa asks, stepping in and lowering her voice.

Charity blinks at her and opens her mouth, but closes it again, looking down at the ground. Her fingers picks at the fabric of her shirt. “I was doing you a favour,” she finally says.

“Do me a real favour then,” Vanessa demands. “And _stop_ doing me favours.”

 

 **Chloe, 37  
** **_Leeds_ **

“Again?” Charity asks, looking up from the glass she’s cleaning. She throws her cloth onto the bartop. “Wasn’t Posh Spice just last night?”

Vanessa scowls at her, still smarting from the night before. She had gone home and scrolled through the dating app again, regret rushing through her as she passed Rosie’s picture. Charity had her steaming, hot enough that she barely had to turn the kettle on to get her brew hot. She had cooled down over the day, getting two surgeries in before heading home to change for her date, and hoping that Paddy hadn’t been lying when he said that Charity was off for the night.

Paddy lied.

“It’s _online_ dating,” she mutters. “I could have three dates in a day, if I wanted.”

Charity raises an eyebrow slowly. “Oh, really.”

Vanessa sighs. “It’s not a challenge. Why is everything with you a competition?”

Charity sucks in her bottom lip and tips her head to the side. “Is it competition if I’m always winning?” She winks.

It bothers Vanessa immediately, the way that wink sends her heart fluttering. She can feel it beating wildly in her chest, but she swallows hard against it and frowns instead, focusing her energy into something productive.

“Isn’t it your night off?”

Charity looks away, picking up another glass. “Chas has me making up for missing shifts. No thanks to you,” she adds, looking back up and winking.

Vanessa rolls her eyes. “You’re a grown woman who _wanted_ to nip out and-”

“Oi,” Chas says, coming out of the back. “I thought you were leaving.”

Vanessa raises an eyebrow slowly. She tries to ignore the way her pulse jumps in her veins; Charity was supposed to be off, but here she is-

“And miss this?” Charity asks loudly, eyes on the door as it opens. A woman walks through, eyes scanning the bar before they find Vanessa’s and light up. “Oh, wow, babe. She’s a wildebeest”

“Charity,” Vanessa warns.

“Looks like she’s going to throw you over her shoulder and carry you out to pasture,” Charity continues. She squints comically. “Her arms look a mite bigger than your head, babe.”

Vanessa grits her teeth and takes a deep breath in, exhaling through her nose slowly.

“Though, if you wanted someone who could pick you up and carry you across a room, I thought I had that job pretty much handled, yeah?” Charity adds.

“Vanessa?”

Vanessa plasters on a smile and turns. “Chloe?”

“I’ll bring it over,” Chas offers. “Pint for you, Ness?”

Charity opens her mouth, but Chas must kick her or step on her foot - she winces and turns to glare at Chas.

Vanessa nods gratefully.

“And for you?”

“Same, please,” Chloe says.

Chas waves them away, towards a table, and Vanessa tries not to pull away when Chloe reaches for her hand as they walk through the nearly-empty pub.

-

Charity sits down next to Chloe, nearly elbowing her drink off the table. “Well, this is cozy.” She looks at Vanessa and winks. “ _Definitely_ Sporty Spice, this one.” She runs her hand along Chloe’s bare arm, wiggling her eyebrows.

Vanessa gives Chloe a tight smile and stands up abruptly, knocking the table hard enough for her still-full beer to slosh over the edge of the glass and puddle on the table. She ignores the spill and reaches across the table, grabbing the sleeve of Charity’s jacket and pulling her out of the booth. “A word,” she growls.

Charity wiggles her fingers at Chloe over her shoulder as Vanessa pulls her through the pub. She keeps going, ignoring Chas’s shout of protest as they pass the bar and move into the corridor.  

“Babe,” Charity breathes out, leaning against the wall. “I am so up for a quickie, but Lumberjack Barbie is sitting there watching your drink run across the table”

Vanessa lets go of Charity and spins away from her, pacing the cramped hallway. “You… You’re… I…” Vanessa lets out a noise that’s a half-growl, half-groan.

Charity pushes off the wall and steps closer, her eyes half-lidded and heavy. Vanessa swallows and wets her bottom lip as Charity’s hands slide across her hips, curling into the belt loops on her jeans.

“Ness…”

Vanessa’s eyes flutter closed. Charity’s mouth is so close, so _there_ , that if Vanessa sways forward even a millimeter, they’d be kissing, finally. Her hands move up the front of Charity’s jacket without permission, twisting the collar in her grip.

Vanessa shakes her head, her nose brushing Charity’s. “You’re…”

“I’m still winning,” Charity whispers. “That’s what I am.” She backs up, bumping into the door that leads into the living room, and twists the knob. She winks before she disappears behind it, closing it with a soft _click_.

Vanessa presses her hand to her mouth and tries to calm her racing heart.

She spends the rest of the night listening to Chloe talk about hiking and camping and wondering what she’d be doing right now if she’d just given in and kissed Charity.

 

 **Alison, 37  
** **_Harrogate_ **

“I suppose you get to be President,” Ross says as he leans up against the bar next to her.

Vanessa glances at him, face twisted in confusion. “Come again.”

“Our support group,” Ross explains. “I hear you’re in here every night parading a new bird in front of Charity like she’s the judge at a stud farm.”

Vanessa sighs and presses the heel of her palm into her forehead. “Who told you that?”

“Charity,” Ross says, shrugging. “Spent the whole afternoon complaining about you.”

She hates the rush of happiness that courses through her body at that. She hates that it puts a smile on her face, so much so that she has to duck her head to hide it from Ross’s prying eyes. She hates that when she looks back up, Charity is coming out of the cellar, and their eyes meet like the magnets she learned to play with in nursery.

“Did she?” Vanessa says quietly.

Ross looks at her, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. “I think she’s underestimating you.”

“Underestimating? That’s a big word for someone with so few brain cells,” Charity says, leaning against the taps.

“I make up for it with so many muscles,” Ross fires back, flexing his pecs one at a time.

Vanessa stares for a moment, mesmerized.

“Thought that wasn’t your thing anymore, babe,” Charity says, startling her. “You know, since your night with me, you’ve been-”

“On a different date nearly every night for the last few nights,” Tracy says from behind them. She sits on the stool next to Vanessa. “We’re dead proud of you, Ness.”

“Dead proud,” Ross repeats with a small laugh, looking at her for a moment before his eyes move to Charity.

“Yeah, we’re throwing you a bloody party, aren’t we,” Charity grumbles. She looks pointedly at Ross. “Are you here for something in particular?”

Vanessa wishes she could be more like Ross, completely unfazed by the sheer force at which Charity’s mood changes directions. He simply nods towards the back corridor and simply says, “Moses.”

Charity softens slightly. “Course,” she mumbles. She leaves the bar and comes back out with Moses, holding him by the hand.

Vanessa smiles softly when Ross springs into action, moving quickly around the bar to scoop up the little boy. Charity leans against the end of the bar, arms over her chest like she does when she’s trying to protect herself from feeling something. Ross bounces Moses up and down, making animal noises while Moses laughs. He swings Moses around in a circle, close enough to Vanessa that she reaches out to pinch at his cheeks, grinning madly when he shrieks in delight.

Vanessa glances at Charity quickly. Over Tracy’s head, their eyes meet, and for a moment, there’s no one else in the room. Charity’s smile is still soft, still meant for Moses. But it looks like the same smile she gave Vanessa after their first time in Charity’s room, laying in bed while they waited to catch their breath. Charity had rolled over, thrown an arm across her eyes, and smiled up at the ceiling while Vanessa traced swirls and lines into her bare side. Vanessa smiles back hesitantly, wetting her bottom lip nervously.

The pub door creaks as it opens and the noise startles Vanessa. She jumps forward, knocking into Tracy, who almost tips her drink forward onto the bar. Ross laughs and bounces Moses up and down one more time.

“I ain’t paying dues,” he warns Vanessa.

“Keep it up and you’ll be the founding and _only_ member,” she threatens.

Ross winks at her. “I have a feeling that’ll happen no matter what, won’t it?”

Vanessa feels her face flush. She turns away and pointedly ignores him, grinning as she looks down at the bar top.

“What’s that you two are going on about?” Charity asks.

Vanessa looks at Ross and shrugs a shoulder. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Charity scowls at her. “Kinda, babe. That’s sort of why I asked, isn’t it?”

“Excuse me,” a woman says, addressing Charity. “I’m looking for Vanessa?”

Vanessa spins around, trying to beat Charity to speaking.

“ _Honestly_ , Vanessa,” Charity huffs. “Is there no end to this madness?” She throws her hands up into the air. “Okay, you know what? If what you want is some-”

“Privacy,” Tracy says quickly. “Then we’re here to help.” She pushes her drink towards Vanessa. “Go, go. I’ll get you a pint.”

“No, you will not,” Charity says firmly. “My pub, my right to serve.”

Ross rolls his eyes. “Oi, Charity. Just let them have a good time together. Grinch,” he adds under his breath.

Charity jabs a finger in his direction. “I’ll have you know that-”

“Your heart is two sizes too small?” Ross continues.

“You get out of here,” Charity demands. “Right now, before I set Moses on attack. Honestly, I’m not sure who’s the boy and who’s the man.”

Ross laughs and leans in, his mouth close to Vanessa’s ear. She’s focusing on him, but there’s a look on Charity’s face that’s a cross between ‘ _I want to know what’s going on here_ ’ and _‘I hate what’s going on here_ ’. She’s paying keen attention to Ross’s hand on Vanessa’s shoulder as he steadies himself, on the way Moses claps his tiny hands on Vanessa’s face and squishes her cheeks together.

“Right then, love. Keep it up. She’s gone on you and it’s driving her crazy,” Ross whispers.

“She’s not…” Vanessa shakes her head, laughing slightly. “She’s not _gone_ on me.” She can’t help but look at Charity, though, and _wish_ that it was the truth.

“Oh, she is,” Ross says. He carries Moses out of the pub, shaking him back and forth while he giggles.

-

Alison glances up at the bar for the fifth time since they sat down and looks down quickly again. She picks at her beer mat and looks up once more over Vanessa’s shoulder, immediately looking away.

Vanessa frowns. “Is everything okay?”

Alison smiles tightly. “That woman behind the bar? Did you two ever go together?”

Something in Vanessa’s chest constricts tightly. “What?” she manages.

“Is she your ex?” Alison clarifies.

Ex- _something_ , Vanessa thinks. Ex-friend with benefits, maybe. _But we were never friends before this_ , she continues.

Alison clears her throat and Vanessa startles, blinking for a moment before she shakes her head. “No,” she manages. “She’s not.”

Alison nods slowly. “Only, she’s staring at me like I took her favorite toy.”

Ex- _toy_ , Vanessa thinks bitterly. _That’s what I am to her_.

Vanessa looks back over her shoulder and purses her lips. Charity _is_ staring at them, the pen she’s using for her crossword slack in her hand. _No_ , Vanessa thinks. She’s staring at _Alison_. Glaring, really. Her eyes are narrowed like she’s trying to solve a puzzle, and she can’t quite figure out the answer. She looks away for a second, meeting Vanessa’s eyes, and she startles, as if she didn’t expect to be caught staring. She looks down quickly at her crossword.

“Oh, don’t mind her. She’s just having trouble trapping a man lately,” Vanessa says loudly.

Somewhere in the background, she hears a pen hit the floor.

Alison’s mouth twitches in a brief smile. “So, a veterinarian. What’s the oddest things that’s ever happened to you on the job?”

Vanessa laughs. “Well, once, there was an iguana.”

 

 **Sue, 41  
** **_Conaleton_ **

“Go upstairs, Charity,” Chas is saying as Vanessa comes into the pub.

Charity leans across the bar, picking up a full glass. She’s sitting on the other side of the bar tonight, a plate in front of her. She takes a sip of her gin and tonic. She glances over her shoulder at Vanessa and looks back at Chas. “Why leave when all the entertainment I want is right here?”

“I don’t know why I bother,” Vanessa says under her breath.

“Neither do I, babe.” Charity says. She pushes her lower lip out in a pout. “I’m just sorry to see you keep striking out like this.” She runs a hand up and down her front. “I’d let you score, if you wanted.”

“I’d rather poo a porcupine, thanks,” Vanessa lies.

Charity pulls back a little, her eyes wide and her mouth falling open. She looks at Chas, barely fighting a smile, and then away. “Whatever,” she mutters.

“Vanessa?” someone says, touching Vanessa’s arm lightly.

“I knew it,” Charity says loudly. She rounds the bar and approaches the till, picking up a piece of chalk and turning to a chalkboard Vanessa hadn’t noticed before.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” she breathes out.

Chas groans and presses a hand to her forehead. “Charity, what are you doing?”

Charity ignores them both and makes a tally mark on the board. It’s a calendar of the month, a tally mark in squares that Vanessa would bet coincides with her dates.

“Are you keeping track?” she asks.

Charity looks back over her shoulder and winks. “Sure am, babe. Me n’ Jimmy and a few of the regulars have a bet going.” She sweeps a hand across the bar at Jimmy, Robert, and Aaron all watching her with varying degrees of disgust and amusement. “We’re running a sweepstakes, to see how many dates you’ll have this month.”

“Get a life, Charity.” Vanessa turns around and smiles. “Sue?”

The woman grins. “That’s me.”

“I’ll bring you some drinks,” Chas says, waving them away. “Go on, get a table before the place fills up.”

“Yeah, babe,” Charity adds. “Aaron and his harem are only the start of the betting pool. This place’ll be hopping in no time.”

Chas glares at Charity. “Oi, just drink yours and leave the paying customers alone.”

Vanessa steers Sue away from the bar, feeling Charity’s eyes on her the whole time.

-

“Babe,” Charity says, putting the pint down in front of her. She puts the second pint down in front of Sue. “Babe’s babe,” she says, winking.

Sue flushes, ducking her head.

Charity leans against the booth, her hand practically tangled in Vanessa’s hair. “Aren’t you going to introduce me, Ness?”

“Sue,” Sue says quickly, sticking out her hand.

Charity’s hand drags over Vanessa’s shoulder before shaking Sue’s. Sue holds on for a moment too long, her cheeks bright red.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” Vanessa says for the second time that night.

“I’ve not seen you around town before,” Charity says.

Sue leans forward a little. “I’ll admit I’ve never been to Emmerdale before.”

“Our Ness is quite the catch, ain’t she?”

Sue doesn’t even look at Vanessa. “A lot to offer here, isn’t there.”

Charity leans her hip against Vanessa’s shoulder. “Oh, our Dale is untapped treasure.”

“So it seems.”

“Right, I think I’ve had enough for the night,” Vanessa says loudly.

Sue startles. “Sorry, what?”

Vanessa ignores the crooked smile she’s sure Charity is giving her. “It’s been a long day,” she lies. “I’m gonna turn in.” She stands and collects her coat, giving Sue a quick smile. “Lovely to meet you.”

“Vanessa,” Charity says, taking a few steps towards her. “Wait.” There’s something in her eyes but Vanessa ignores it, setting her jaw instead and holding her head up.

“Goodnight, Charity,” she says pointedly, pulling hard on the pub door. She makes it halfway down the road to her house before she stops, hanging her head with a sigh.

“Only Charity,” she says aloud.

“Only Charity what?” Rhona asks, coming up next to her, looping her arm through Vanessa’s.

“Only Charity could end up spending the rest of the night with _my_ date,” Vanessa sighs.

Rhona frowns. “Oh, Ness.” She pats Vanessa’s hand. “Let’s go get blind drunk, yeah? Leo is with Marlon and Johnny is…”

“With Tracy and David.”

Rhona grins. “Perfect. You and me and a few bottles of wine. We’ll watch _The_ _Great British Bake Off_ and throw popcorn at Paul Hollywood.”

“Traitor,” Vanessa hisses, grinning still. She leans into Rhona as they walk the rest of the way to Tug Ghyll.

 

 **Jenna, 45  
** **_Hotten_ **

Vanessa smiles brightly, holding a pint up to her mouth. “So, how do you know Chas?” she asks before she takes a sip.

Jenna takes a sip of the cocktail Charity made and winces. “Oh, I don’t.”

Vanessa’s eyes snap up to Chas, standing behind the bar looking over something in her hand. “You don’t?”

Jenna shakes her head. “We met at the wholesalers. She overhead me letting down a bloke and showed me your picture.” She smiles. “Said you were on the market, didn’t she.”

Vanessa takes a long swallow of her drink and drops it heavily on the beer mat. “The market,” she echoes. The silence hangs over them like a thick wool blanket, hanging off Vanessa’s shoulders. She can feel Charity’s eyes on her, but she won’t look up - she _won’t_. Even though Charity is doing a dead good impression of a gawping fish, Vanessa won’t give into the urge to meet her eyes and make a face about how this is going so far.

 _Dead boring_ , Vanessa thinks.

_But at least this one isn’t making eyes at Charity._

Jenna moves to sip again from her drink and catches Vanessa’s eye. Jenna frowns, putting it on the table. “Better drinks in Hotten.”

Vanessa can see Charity sit up a little, her crossword sliding out of her hand. “They’re not bad here,” she says politely.

Jenna shrugs a shoulder. “Bit weak. Probably wouldn’t get my dog sloshed.”

“You have a dog?” Vanessa asks, latching on the idea. She puts on a hopeful smile. “I’m a vet, you know.”

“Your friend didn’t say. Just the pic.” Jenna pulls her phone out of her purse and lays it out on the table. “A Shih Tzu. Getting on in age, but he’s-”

“A looker,” Charity says as she pauses at the table edge. She winks at Vanessa. “Thanks, babe, but I already knew that.”

“Maybe the getting on in age part,” Vanessa murmurs.

Charity’s eyes flash. “Right, then.” She leans her hip against the table and turns her attention to Jenna. “Problem with the drink, love?”

“Charity,” Vanessa starts, her jaw clenched tight. “If you don’t mind, we’re in the middle of something.”

Charity ignores her, turning her shoulder pointedly to block Vanessa.

Jenna nudges the cocktail glass forward. “Bit weak,” she repeats. “Did you put any gin in it or is it all tonic?”

“Of course I put gin in it.” Charity snorts. “What kind of establishment do you think I’m running, eh?”

“You asked,” Jenna reminds her, her voice a hard edge. Her eyes are narrowed, like she’s catching onto whatever game Charity is playing, and she’s not liking it.

Vanessa winces when Charity laughs, a rough noise in the back of her throat that always grates on Vanessa’s ears. Charity squares up, her hand flat on the table. Vanessa sighs, reaching out to loop her fingers around Charity’s wrist, to get her attention. To calm her down.

Charity’s arm twitches when Vanessa touches her and she glances back over her shoulder just for a moment, breaking her concentration on Jenna.

“Here, some chips on the house,” Chas says loudly, dropping a basket in the middle of the table. “Charity, a word.” She doesn’t give Charity a choice, looping her arm around Charity’s and tugging hard back towards the bar. She’s whispering hotly in Charity’s ear as they disappear around the till and towards the back corridor. They don’t duck completely out of sight, though, and Vanessa can see Charity’s face, pinched and furious.

Jenna is saying something, her voice high and pitchy, but Vanessa is staring at Charity as Chas launches into her, pointing back at their table. Charity shakes her head, her hair moving with the motion, and Vanessa gets lost looking at it, remembering winding her fingers through it and tugging Charity forward, their lips meeting again and again and-

Vanessa hears a door slam somewhere past the bar and Chas comes into the bar alone. She flashes Vanessa a tired smile and lifts a pint glass in her direction.

Vanessa shakes her head and looks back at Jenna, putting on a smile and listening to her story about her 10-year-old Shih Tzu, Barney.

-

Vanessa puts her glass down on the bar, giving Chas a forced smile.

“Another, love?” Chas asks, not bothering to reach for a glass.

Vanessa shakes her head. “She’s using the loo and then leaving.” She sighs. “Thankfully.”

Chas winces. “I’m sorry. I thought she was…”

“Fit? Smart?” Vanessa shrugs. “She is. But there’s no connection. Nothing sparked.” She looks past Chas to the corridor leading to the living room. “I liked her well enough, I suppose. But is well enough… _well enough_?”

Chas rests a hand on Vanessa’s arm. “Maybe the next one, yeah?”

“Maybe,” Vanessa sighs.

Chas looks back over her shoulder. “Don’t worry about her. Her time of the month,” she jokes.

Vanessa sighs and pushes her empty glass across the bar, putting a few notes down next to it.

“No, no,” Chas says quickly, pushing it back at her. “It’s on me. I set you up, didn’t I?”

Vanessa narrows her eyes. “Maybe next time you won’t be showing my picture to any woman who says she’s a lesbian, yeah?

Chas smiles sheepishly. “You have my word.”

“Ta,” Vanessa murmurs, tapping her fingers against the bar. She looks back into the corridor once more, but shakes her head and heads for the door. She pulls her coat a little tighter around her shoulders against the wind and heads towards Tug Ghyll. She wants a brew, a blanket, and to stop thinking about Charity Dingle for just one night.

 

 **Jude, 29  
** **_Skipdale_ **

“Oi, this one is more your type, isn’t she?” Charity grumbles.

“Something to say, Charity?” Vanessa asks, smiling brightly at Chas. She’s not giving into Charity tonight, not this time, but there’s nothing Charity can say that’ll ruin her night.

She’s a fool to think Charity has anything _nice_ to say.

Jude is already sitting at their table, her glasses pushed into her hair, and a wide smile on her face. Vanessa is definitely interested; there’s something promising about that smile. She wants to know _more_. She wants to squish into the same side of the booth and let her palm sweat a little before she works up the courage to hold Jude’s hand under the table.

She hasn’t had a single thought of Charity since Jude walked in the door ten minutes ago and she’s planning on keeping it that way.

Charity just hasn’t gotten the idea, yet.

Chas puts a full pint on the bar, careful not to spill it.

Charity puts her pencil down slowly, folding her newspaper in half. “Well, she’s young, ain’t she?”

Vanessa feels her jaw lock tightly.

“Charity,” Chas warns in a low voice.

Charity raises her hands in surrender. “I’m just saying, babe. She looks like you picked her up from her A-level exam.”

Chas steps forward, her hand on Vanessa’s arm. “Just go,” she says firmly. “I’ll deal with her.”

Vanessa blinks hard against tears she didn’t know were forming in her eyes. She tries to swallow but there’s a lump in her throat she can’t get past. Chas’s hand is too hot on her skin, but it’s Charity’s eyes that have her stuck in place, unable to pull the soles of her shoes from the sticky pub floor.

They’re swimming with challenge, daring Vanessa to tell her that’s wrong; that she didn’t have a child, her only child, with a man who was no more than a boy. But there’s something else in them that Vanessa can’t quite name - something she’d call regret, dark and sorry, in anyone else. Charity blinks and it’s gone, hardened again.

“Go,” Chas says again, kinder. “Your date is looking for you, love.”

Vanessa turns and finds Jude’s eyes across the pub, but when she steps forward, she finds herself moving towards the door.

“Teeny?” her dad asks as she bumps into him. “What’s happened?”

“I can’t,” she murmurs. She can feel his air-chilled hands on her bare arms, but she barely registers it as she pushes through the pub door and out into the cold night.

“Ness!” she hears someone shout.

She wants to get home. She wants to get Johnny from Rhona’s house and snuggle up with him on the couch and watch a few of the Paw Patrol episodes she recorded on the telly, and hold him until he falls asleep. She wants him safe in her arms.

The worst thing is, she wants Charity just as much as she wants everything else.

 

 **Zoe, 31  
** **_Leeds_ **

Zoe is funny. Zoe is smart. Zoe laughs at the right things and she’s got a great smile and when she looks at Vanessa, Vanessa knows Zoe is paying attention to her, and only her.

If only Vanessa was paying attention to _Zoe_.

Instead of Charity, that is.

Charity was horrible yesterday, digging into a wound that Vanessa was sure had healed over. When she came into the pub earlier, she had stonily ignored Charity, talking to Chas only. It wasn’t until she’s gone to the loo before her date that Charity had been able to corner her, a hand out in surrender.

“I was helping, wasn’t I?” Charity said. “She left with some bloke.”

Vanessa sighed.

“Okay, okay,” Charity said quickly. “I’m sorry, eh?”

Vanessa stared at her for a moment before huffing and looking away. “Fine.”

“You know,” Charity started, her voice soft. “We can just stop whatever-”

Chas poked her head inside the door. “Vanessa, a cute redhead is out by the bar, looking for you.”

Vanessa shrugged a shoulder. “That’s my cue.”

Zoe laughs as she tells a story about catching her trouser leg in her bicycle gear, but Vanessa is still thinking about Charity saying _we can just stop whatever_ and wondering what the rest of the sentence was going to be. She shakes her head softly and tunes back into Zoe, smiling brightly.

“You know, last week, I spilled a full smoothie on myself,” she offers.

Zoe laughs again and it’s the kind of sound that settles warm and low in the pit of Vanessa’s stomach. She looks down at her drink, surprised to see it’s gone and even more surprised that she wants a second one.

“Can I get you a second?” she asks, reaching for Zoe’s near-empty pint.

Zoe smiles widely and picks up her glass, swallowing the last sip before handing it to Vanessa. “I’d love that.”

Vanessa ducks her head, smiling shyly, and walks to the bar, placing both glasses down.

“Another one, yeah?” Chas asks.

Vanessa hears Charity snort softly, but she ignores it, picking up a beer mat right next to where Charity is doing her crossword, twisting it nervously in her hands.  “Another one,” Vanessa says.

“So this one is promising?” Chas asks.

“What’s that now?” Charity asks.

Vanessa shrugs a shoulder, biting down on her bottom lip. “She’s… something,” she admits.

“Fit,” Chas says. “But so was that one Tracy set you up with.”

“Amanda,” Charity says quickly.

Vanessa blinks hard in surprise.

“Well, I pay attention, don’t I?”

“Coulda fooled me,” Vanessa murmurs. She looks back at Chas. “She’s funny,” she finally says.

Chas smiles and places two pints down in front of Vanessa. “Whatever she is, I’m glad she’s getting a second drink.”

Vanessa’s cheeks flush as she drops the beer mat and wraps her hands around the glasses. “Don’t say it like that.”

“Like what, babe?” Charity asks, her voice odd-sounding. “Like you haven’t been in here every other night with a different woman?”

Vanessa’s eyes harden, her lips pursing. “Right, then.” She thought they were done with this particular thing. Charity, at Chas’s instance, had erased the chalkboard calendar. But no matter how Charity was acting in the corridor, she’s still _Charity_. Vanessa should know better.

She picks up the pints and spins neatly on her heel, marching back to the table and dropping a pint in front of Zoe. She slides into the seat across from her, eyes straying back to the bar and finding Charity’s for a moment before she looks back at her Zoe, her hand resting on the table, fingers just brushing the Zoe’s wrist.

“This is going well,” Zoe says, sipping from her pint.

“It is,” Vanessa agrees, smiling. “It really is.”

-

“Want a third?” Vanessa asks. “We could go somewhere more private?” She panics at the idea, unsure why she mentioned it. Charity is still staring at her, has been all night, and Vanessa is having trouble looking away when their eyes meet.

This magnetic pull between them makes it hard to keep away. She told Rhona, forever ago, that is was only attraction - purely physical. But the more she spends time around Charity, the less physical the attraction is. It’s still there, lurking under the surface, but it’s become more than just sex.

And there’s where they differ.

Zoe must be able to see her hesitation, because she smiles kindly and rests her hand on Vanessa’s. “A third here is good for me.”

Vanessa smiles. “I’ll go get it.” She takes their glasses and leans against the bar, searching for Chas. It’s only Charity, though, staring off into the distance. She should go back to her table and tell Zoe they should head back to her place, split the last bottle of wine she has in her fridge, and get away from the Woolpack, where Charity just makes her head spin. Instead, she takes a deep breath and ducks her head to try and catch Charity’s eye. “Are you on?”

Charity blinks, looking up to meet Vanessa’s eyes. “What?”

“Are you working?” Vanessa repeats, anxiously tapping her foot. “Can you pull me a pint?”

“Where’s Chas?”

Vanessa looks around the pub. “I’ve not seen her.”

Charity sighs and takes Vanessa’s glass from her

“Oi,” Gerry says from his seat, lifting his glass into the air. “Can I get a second.”

“Does it look like I’m working?” Charity snaps.

Gerry sits back in his seat a little. “Well, yeah.”

“Well, I ain’t,” Charity says. She glares at him before pulling Vanessa a pint and putting it down on the bar. “Right. There you go.”

“Charity,” Vanessa says softly. The longer she looks, the more she thinks she’s right, that Charity wants this too. And if she could only figure out how to get Charity to say it...

Charity smiles widely. “What, babe?” She barely waits for Vanessa to say anything. “Don’t want to leave a lady waiting, do you?”

Vanessa’s shoulders slump. So, Charity _doesn’t_ want it. “Fine,” she mutters. She takes her pint and turns, storming forward before she spins back suddenly, her eyes burning. “You know, you’re a right idiot, Charity Dingle.”

“Excuse me?” Charity sputters. “ I’m -”

“You sit here every night and moon across the pub like I ran over over your dog,” Vanessa says, clenching her hand into a fist. “Making me feel like I’m… like I’m _two-timing_ ya.”

Charity snorts. “You can’t be two-timing me if we’re not a proper couple.”

Vanessa’s insides start to boil. “ _You_ don’t want to be a proper couple, but-"

“But what , Vanessa?” Charity asks, leaning closer. Her voice is low, but harsh. She runs a hand up and down the length of her own body. “Want this to yourself, do you?”

“What do you want?” Vanessa pleads.

Charity stares at her for a moment. “I don’t know,” she admits.

Vanessa opens her mouth but it snaps shut as the Zoe steps in close. Zoe’s hand is hot at the small of her back. Charity might move out of the corner of her eye, but by the time Vanessa turns to face her, Charity is still again.

“I changed my mind about that third drink,” the Zoe says. “Why don’t we have it somewhere more… private?” Her eyes stray to Charity.

Vanessa keeps staring at Charity, her eyes daring Charity to say something, anything. When Charity barely blinks, Vanessa plasters on a smile and turns, her hand curling around the other woman’s arm. “Sounds lovely. I’ll grab my coat.”

Charity grinds her back teeth together, grinning like a feral cat at the two of them. “Just be careful of prying eyes, eh? Wouldn’t want the whole village putting their neb in your business.”

Vanessa shakes her head softly, pulling her coat on slowly. She lays a few notes on the bar, sliding them towards Charity. “Keep the change,” she murmurs.

“Don’t do me any favors,” Charity mumbles back, scooping the notes up and tossing them into the till without counting them.

Vanessa can feel Zoe walking next to her, keeping pace. Charity is _infuriating_. She’s rude and crass and Vanessa-

“You like her,” Zoe says.

“What?” Vanessa shakes her head. “Oh, no, no.”

“She likes you too,” Zoe continues.

Vanessa scoffs. “Sure she does.” She rolls her eyes. “She’s absolutely in love with me, she is.” She nods her head towards Tug Ghyll. “This is where I live.”

“And this is where I leave you,” Zoe says. She looks past Vanessa to the front door. “I had a lovely time, but…”

Vanessa sighs. “I ruined it.”

“You didn’t,” Zoe insists. “But I have no interest in being someone’s second choice.” She leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to Vanessa’s cheek. “You’re lovely, Vanessa. I hope that barmaid of yours figures that out soon.”

Vaness presses her hand to her cheek. “Goodnight.”

 

 **Charity, 41  
** **_Emmerdale_ **

Vanessa sighs as she sinks into the couch at Tug Ghyll, relishing the quiet. She’d scheduled another date for the night, but pulled out at the last moment. She’d kept Johnny with Leo at Rhona’s house and made the decision to spend a quiet night alone with her _Midsomers Murders_ DVDs and some fresh popcorn.

Her tablet dings as the first episode ends and she thinks about ignoring it. Only, it dings twice in a row, so she presses pause on the movie to flip the case open and check her notifications.

_1 New Potential Match In Your Area, 1 New Message_

She smiles slightly; she might not be going out tonight, but she can certainly _look_. She opens the app and feels her stomach drop.

It’s Charity’s picture - something someone must have taken candidly, where she’s giving an honest smile, the kind that reaches her eyes. The screen flashes at her, telling her they’d be a match, and Vanessa’s mouth falls open.

 _Can you believe this dating thingy says we match? Guess they already know_ , the message says, followed by a winking face.

Vanessa slams the cover back down on the tablet, staring down at it. She’s got on her coat before she even knows she’s moving, storming through the village and practically kicking open the door to the pub.

She doesn’t bother to wait for an invitation. She rounds the end of the bar and grabs Charity by the arm, sending Chas a small apologetic quirk of her mouth, and keeps moving, pulling Charity through the corridor and into the living room.

“Right, babe,” Charity starts, dryly. “This is dead romantic, but-”

Vanessa sticks her tablet out in front of Charity, already open to the same screen it was on when she left the house. “Care to explain?”

Charity squints. “Looks like a dating app, don’t it?”

“I mean,” Vanessa hisses. “Why’re you on it?”

“A girl can get out and have fun.” Charity folds her arms over her chest. “You’re not the only one on the market. Plus, we’ve all seen the results you’ve got.”

Vanessa narrows her eyes. “What’re you talking about?”

“Pearl here saw you and your redhead sneaking off together,” Charity says. “Having a snog outside of yours. Good for you, babe.”

“I wasn’t…” Vanessa looks around and lowers her voice, stepping closer to Charity. “I wasn’t snogging her.”

Charity looks away. “I’m just saying, babe. If _you_ can pull someone like that, imagine who _I_ could get.”

“You know what, Charity?” Vanessa throws her arms up in the air. “You win, okay?”

Charity looks back at her, her eyes narrowed and confused. “What?”

“You win,” Vanessa repeats. “All of my dates were horrid.”

“‘Course they were, babe,” Charity says. “I mean, that one with the arms looked like she was going to strangle you by accident.”

“You win,” Vanessa continues. “Okay?” She doesn’t wait for answer. “Okay, good. Now that that’s sorted, do me a favor and stay away from me.” She turns and starts through the living room, back towards the pub.

“Woah, nelly,” Charity says, skipping around the couch and putting herself between the door and Vanessa. “Hang on a minute, babe.”

“Charity, just leave me alone,” Vanessa says, her voice thin and drawn. “I’m tired of this.”

“Of parading yourself around every night like a show pony?” Charity asks. “I’d be tired of it too, if I were you.”

“I’m tired of _you_ ,” Vanessa says.

Charity pulls back again, eyes skating past Vanessa to look at something else.

“I’m tired of this game we’re playing.” She holds up a hand to stop Charity from speaking. “I don’t want to be winning or losing.” She hesitates for just a minute, unsure of playing her whole hand at once. But she’s gone on date after date, with women interested in her, and she spent every single one of those nights wondering after Charity, looking across the pub at Charity, wishing she was with Charity.

She takes a steadying breath. “I just want to be with _you_.”

Charity looks down at the floor. “Listen, babe-”

“No, you listen,” Vanessa interrupts, putting down her tablet. “If you don’t want me, fine. I can handle it, can’t I? But if you truly don’t, then stop messing with my head. Stop flirting with the girls I’m supposed to be flirting with. Just let me _try_ and find a girlfriend, would you?”

“I thought you were fine with this,” Charity says, moving a hand between their bodies.

“I thought _you_ were,” Vanessa fires back.

“I am,” Charity says quickly.

“Then why interrupt _all_ my dates?”

“Why have them at _my_ pub?”

Vanessa rolls her eyes. “It’s the only pub in town.”

“Well, I don’t want you on them,” Charity says loudly.

Vanessa pauses, trying not to give in to the fluttering in her stomach. “What’re you saying?”

“I’m saying exactly what I said.” Charity rolls her eyes, but she picks at the top of the couch, pulling off a tuft of fuzz.

“You don’t want me going on dates,” Vanessa says slowly.

Charity makes a face at her, pushing her hands into the pockets of her jacket.

Vanessa steps closer. “Tell me,” she says quietly.

“Tell you what, babe?”

“Tell me what you want to say.” Vanessa’s fingers hum with an energy she hasn’t felt around anyone but Charity, the need to _touch_ overwhelming. “Tell me-”

“What if I told you that them dates made me feel a bit sick and panicky and… uncharacteristically jealous?” Charity asks, not looking at her.

Vanessa folds her arms over her chest. “What do you want?” she asks again. Her voice hardly shakes when she speaks, but her entire body is trembling.

Charity takes a deep breath. “I can’t promise you forever.”

Vanessa’s shoulders soften and she lets her arms hang loose.“Have I asked for that?”

Charity snorts. “You will. Everyone always does.”

Vanessa steps closer. “I’m not everyone.”

“No,” Charity says softly. “You’re not, are you?” She sighs and runs her hands along Vanessa's shoulders before leaning in to kiss her.

"Miss me?" Vanessa asks as Charity starts on her jacket, pushing it down her arms.

“I’ve been _trying_ to get a cop on ever since I saw you in that dress, on your date with the first one.”

Vanessa narrows her eyes, thinking. “Rosie?”

“Posh Spice,” Charity mutters. “I’ll have you know, I had to throw out all of their CDs after that.”

“You’re a grown woman. What’re you doing with Spice Girls CDs?” Vanessa shakes her head. “I don’t know why I’m asking. Your idea of a good cry is _Titanic_.”

“He drowned for her,” Charity reminds her.

“Ain’t neither of us drowning for the other.”

Charity leans in, kissing her again until Vanessa can feel her hips pressing forward.

Vanessa pulls back slightly. “Does Chas need you?”

“Not as much as you do,” Charity murmurs, kissing Vanessa’s neck.

She’d be embarrassed if it wasn’t true. But Vanessa winds her fingers through Charity’s hair and tugs until they’re face to face again. “Upstairs, then?”

“So long as you don’t run out on me again,” Charity jokes. Her eyes are heavy, though, like she’s afraid that’s what Vanessa will do.

Vanessa leans in, kissing Charity softly. “I’m going nowhere,” she promises.


End file.
